The Unwritten Rules of Fetishism
By: Rhea Hayworth (Admin)
No matter the fetish, there exists an underlying obsession. In terms of an individuals’s sex life, this obsession comes to define the pleasure that individual receives. Learn to control the fetish, and you learn to control your pleasure. And as a result, you gain much more control over your sex life.
Fetishism is the sexual arousal, stimulation, and excitation from objects or parts of the body that are not meant to create a sexual response.
Almost two years ago, this website participated in research that attempted to link obsessions and compulsions with fetishism. And it succeeded. Fetishes act in a very similar fashion to obsessions. These new, fetish obsessions, can take many different forms. Some fetishes are severe enough that pornographic content, or other-related material is viewed at work or other inappropriate settings. These new fetish-type obsessions arise from a different source: a fetishistic urge. The difference in terms of obsessions and compulsions (in contrast to OCD) with a fetishistic nature involves the addition of fetishistic urges.
Defined, a fetishistic urge is the slow or rapid build-up of preemptive pleasure. For example, think of an empty water bottle. A fetishistic urge starts with an empty feeling, or an empty bottle, but over time, the water bottle fills. As the water bottle continues to fill, the urge to masturbate becomes stronger. Finally, when the water bottle is filled, some individuals might have to drop what he or she is doing to relieve that pleasure in the form of masturbation. The substance that fills the water bottle, is not water, but pleasure. So, what is pleasure?
The sexual definition of pleasure has two distinctions: one being the sensation felt during orgasm, and another being the sensations felt long before the erection even begins (in terms of males). The first definition is obvious, lots of pleasure is felt right before orgasm. But the second definition might be a bit confusing. In terms of the second definition, a good explanation here is to describe the feeling, or the euphoria; it is hard to describe this state. But I will try.
This second definition of pleasure involves something that you want to keep in action or in thought. For example, if you like feet in your face, you obviously want the feet to stay there. Have you ever asked yourself why? The answer is simple. Because you like it. You like the feeling of feet in your face. This same concept applies to thought and thinking. If you see a woman with the feet of your dreams, and you think about her feet in your face, the pleasure will build. Many foot fetishists see feet and immediately lose control of their urges, and as a result, lose control of their pleasure. Sure, the immediate pleasure feels good, but if you let the pleasure build, the pleasure will be much more enjoyable. Once achieved, this state utilizes more control. The more control, the more pleasure you will achieve. This is described in further detail below.
What causes a fetishistic urge?
In the previous metaphor, I talked about an empty water bottle that slowly begins to fill. Think of the fetishistic urge as the water bottle that will eventually fill, fast or slow, with pleasure. But what causes the pleasure to start to fill the water bottle? This can be a thought. This can be an action. Though, the answer to that is still complex. Sometimes it can be as simple as seeing a woman with the color of toenail polish that you like. Other times, it can be a wrinkled sole that catches your eye and makes you bite your lip. In contrast, maybe you watch a woman kicking her sandal around as she sits cross-legged. Of course, these examples are all about foot fetishism. In hindsight, there are many other fetishes that can create a fetishistic urge.
Fetishistic urges can come from anywhere, at anytime, and happen to anyone with any kind of fetish in existence (even the fetishes not in the mainstream). Even if you have yet to experience a fetishistic urge, you will know when you do. It is this strange feeling; like a surge of energy coursing through your body that ends in your penis. As the energy courses, your heart may skip a beat and you may get very brief butterflies in your stomach. This feeling is a fetishistic urge. And learning to recognize a fetishistic urge is half the battle.
Many individuals not in control of the fetish masturbate or “relieve themselves” when the first fetishistic urge is felt. Do not do this. Let the urges build and build. The more urges you experience without indulging, the more the pleasure builds.
How do I control the urges?
I have a great example for this question. Often times, we see many individuals post or comment on a photo that make us cringe. For example, you may see comments such as “Please let me sniff your soles,” or “Omg let me smell your feet, I bet they smell really bad. Let me smell them,” and so on. These are examples of individuals trying to control their fetishistic urges, albeit very poorly and cringe-worthy. So, how does someone control the urges? The answer to that is fantasies. As for myself, I control my fetishes in a very unique way that will be described in another article.
Sexual fantasies can provide some of the best sexual pleasures and orgasms someone can achieve. Everyone likes things a certain way: lights on or off, shirt on or off, red toenail polish versus blue, etc. Shaping and defining your own sexual fantasy will help control the fetishistic urges. For example, in my own sexual lifestyle, I have created two sexual fantasies. These two sexual fantasies are how I control my own fetishistic urges. Sexual fantasies are unique to each individual. I cannot create a sexual fantasy for you, nor can anyone else. Sexual fantasies are created through self-discovery and experimentation. Establishing a complex sexual fantasy will lead you on the path of controlling your fetishistic urges.